I’m a Mess…and that’s Okay.
I like to think that I look good ‘on paper’. From Instagram to Facebook, I like to think that the average viewer would think I know what I’m doing, or that I know who I am. I like to seem steadfast in this path I’m on, and for the most part I am. I think the goal in our modern world is to portray just that; the ‘everything’s fine’ type life.
The truth is, though, so far from what people see online. I would like to say that my hair fell just perfectly in that selfie, and I that I snapped it on the first try. I’d like to say I wear perfectly planned outfits every day. I would like to say my nails are always perfectly painted, and that I drink 4 gallons of water and eat healthy and exercise every day. I would like to say that, but I’d be a liar.
The reality is full of much more overthinking, more over editing and more nike short and teva wearing. The reality is that nothing is ever as perfect as it seems, or appears to online.
And yeah, duh. But sometimes I find myself forgetting this fact too. It’s always good to get a little reminder.
The other reality of my situation is that I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. I’m starring down the barrel of my junior year of college and my 21st birthday and I am scared. I figured by now all my doubts would have materialized into plans, and I’d know where I was supposed to be heading; in my degree, my love life, and my mental and physical health.
But the truth is I’m still stumbling like a newborn deer, on their stick thin legs, trying to make it through.
Just like everyone else.
Some days I sleep in until noon and some days I wake up at 6 to go to spin. Some days I do my hair and plan an outfit, and other days I wear a stained Bob Ross shirt and soffe shorts (I know people don’t wear these anymore, but I’ll be damned if they’re still not the most comfortable shorts I own). Some days I am social and chatty, other days I want nothing more than to sit in my room and watch netflix in the dark.
I’m a bundle of contradictions. I’m a mess, thats okay.
To have my life together would scare me too much. To live with such planned and calculated actions leaves no room for spontaneity or crazy decisions that lead to stories we laugh about years later. In my mind, the best plans are no plans at all.
Right now, mess and all, I have the freedom to make as many mistakes as I want. I have the freedom to explore all the options life is giving me. I have the ability to jump from job to job until I find one I can’t go a day without doing.
I figure being in your 20s is about taking the time to get acquainted with yourself. You get to know what you need, and not what some bratty girls from your high school want you to be. You get to make decisions, and live with their consequences. You get to order a damn drink at the bar.
I guess my point is, keep your life messy, and keep it yours.
Instagram – @emilyflaherty3
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Twitter – @emilyflaherty3
*Note – photos are not mine