This post was inspired by Emma’s post on The Messy Heads blog. After reading hers I couldn’t wait to collect my thoughts and write my own.
All decisions I’ve made in this life have brought me to this point; my life at age twenty. I’ve lived in 4 countries and 7 houses, and still dream of traveling.
I live in a dorm that smells like pot and microwave popcorn, and sports hall carpets with questionable stains. My roommate and I keep our fans going, even during the winter, when the building swelters. I walk to my classes with my head down, between raindrops and dodging buses and skateboarders. My backpack is often so full I risk hitting other stressed-out students on the narrow sidewalks of campus; sidewalks sprinkled with orange and brown leaves, sometimes snow.
In all my years, I haven’t ever been able to get “dressing for the elements” quite right. I soak canvas shoes and wool socks on my way to English, or Accounting, or Gender Sexuality and Women’s studies. My fashion changes like the Vermont weather, and I will go from wearing baggy jeans and a sweatshirt to a dress and boots, sometimes on the same day.
I battle with walking the line between doing what I want, and doing what I need to do. I’m seeking a balance between setting up internships in business and turning my hobbies into degrees. I dream of running a non-profit, of traveling the world and never settling, and making change. I want to write books that make people feel, and I want my words to change views.
I like listening to podcasts about Veganism or politics. I like reading historical fiction and writing about simply being, and the beauty and simplicity we usually skim over in our lives. My thoughts are usually so busy I end up writing them down in the margins of notebooks, or in my planner, on sticky notes or on notes on my phone.
My ideal vacation would be a solo trip to France. I dream of waking up to the smell of black coffee and croissants. I want to see wildflowers and stay in quaint houses with gardens and plenty of places to write, without a care in the world. I want to speak bad French and stain my lips red with wine.
I plan and write, and plan more. I like things to be organized and cohesive. Right now, all my plans, things I’ve been working towards, have been finally falling into place. I’m laying foundations and building up to getting towards my end goals.
I’m not the same person I was at 19, or even the same person I was last month. I’m a constantly evolving, better version of myself. I can shed the things I don’t like, and hold close the things I do. Adaptability is my favorite trait.
I remember wondering, when I was in elementary school, what I would be like when I was twenty. It seemed like that was the age I’d be a real adult. It be in college and have everything together and be everything I had ever dreamed. Some things worked out, and some didn’t, but altogether I’d say I made it through pretty well.